The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it. ~William Gibson
Question: " I understand that Congress is considering a so-called 'flat' tax system. How would this work?" Answer: "If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to fill out any complicated forms, and there would be no loopholes for politically connected groups, and normal people would actually understand the tax laws, and giant talking broccoli stalks would come around and mow your lawn for free, because Congress is NOT going to pass a flat tax, you pathetic fool." ~Dave Barry
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. ~Kin Hubbard
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. ~Ted Ray, Golf - My Slice of Life, 1972
Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
We're still not where we're going, but we're not where we were. ~Natash Jasefowitz
Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver. ~Author Unknown
You can't wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug. ~Author Unknown
The tattoo attracts and also repels precisely because it is different. ~Margo DeMello, Bodies of Inscription: A Cultural History of the Modern Tattoo Community, 2000
Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. ~Norman Douglas
Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours. ~Benjamin Disraeli
Mother's milk, time-tested for millions of years, is the best nutrient for babies because it is nature's perfect food. ~Robert S. Mendelsohn
There is a wonder in reading Braille that the sighted will never know: to touch words and have them touch you back. ~Jim Fiebig
You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. ~Oscar Levant, explaining his way out of a speeding ticket
What we see depends mainly on what we look for. ~John Lubbock
Ah, steeds, steeds, what steeds! Has the whirlwind a home in your manes? Is there a sensitive ear, alert as a flame, in your every fiber? Hearing the familiar song from above, all in one accord you strain your bronze chests and, hooves barely touching the ground, turn into straight lines cleaving the air, and all inspired by God it rushes on! ~Nikolai V. Gogol, Dead Souls, 1842, translated from Russian (above is combination of translations by Bernard Guildert Guerney, Richard Peaver, and Larisa Voloklonsky)
Take a man out of the trenches, make him a straw boss, and he develops a belly. ~Martin H. Fischer
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. ~Charles Evans Hughes
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. ~Theodore Roosevelt
Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgment. ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1665
Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees. ~Victor Hugo
Peace is not the absence of affliction, but the presence of God. ~Author Unknown
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~Mark Twain, "What Is Man?", 1906
We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action. ~Frank Tibolt
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