funny alcohol quotes

Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage. ~Agnes Repplier



In the central place of every heart there is a recording chamber. So long as it receives a message of beauty, hope, cheer, and courage - so long are you young. When the wires are all down and our heart is covered with the snow of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, are you grown old. ~Douglas MacArthur



Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around. ~Buddy Buie and J.R. Cobb, "Rock Bottom" (song)



In the ideal sense nothing is uninteresting; there are only uninterested people. ~Brooks Atkinson



A nation may lose its liberties in a day and not miss them in a century. ~Baron de Montesquieu



One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. ~G.M. Weilacher



It is only in the act of nursing that a woman realizes her motherhood in visible and tangible fashion; it is a joy of every moment. ~Honore de Balzac



Out of all the people I've ever met, you're the one who makes me draw those silly little hearts on my papers. ~Author Unknown



Poetry, like the moon, does not advertise anything. ~William Blissett



If a fanatic is willing to give his life for a cause, he's probably willing to give yours as well. ~David Gerrold



Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar



Remember you must die whether you sit about moping all day long or whether on feast days you stretch out in a green field, happy with a bottle of Falernian from your innermost cellar. ~Horace



Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre. ~Gail Godwin



Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these. ~Susan B. Anthony



Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~George Burns



No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown



I think my favorite sport in the Olympics is the one in which you make your way through the snow, you stop, you shoot a gun, and then you continue on. In most of the world, it is known as the biathlon, except in New York City, where it is known as winter. ~Michael Ventre, L.A. Daily News



I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only two inches taller. ~Steven Wright



Society comprises two classes: those who have more food than appetite, and those who have more appetite than food. ~Sebastien-Roch Nicholas de Chamfort, Maximes



I am defeated, and know it, if I meet any human being from whom I find myself unable to learn anything. ~George Herbert Palmer